My journey to Healing and Embodied Wholeness

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My journey to healing and helping others achieve embodied wholeness began four years ago, following a nervous breakdown at work.

This experience, though initially devastating, became a profound turning point, opening my eyes to the impact of developmental trauma, generational trauma, Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), and the crucial role of nervous system regulation in our well-being.

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The insights from 'The Wisdom of Trauma' movie (https://thewisdomoftrauma.com/access-video/) and the work of Dr. Gabor Maté resonated deeply, providing a framework for understanding my own experiences and igniting a passion to help others. I felt a calling to contribute to the trauma awareness movement, empowering individuals to begin their healing journey before their bodies are overwhelmed.

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Trauma is not limited to what happened to us; it encompasses what didn't happen and, crucially, the internal impact of those experiences.

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For much of my life, I felt a pervasive sense of being ''less'', lacking self-worth and a clear sense of self. I believed I was broken, a product of my circumstances, and adopted coping mechanisms such as people-pleasing, rescuing, and isolating myself. I often felt like an outsider, struggling to express my own needs and boundaries.

Beneath a facade of outward normalcy, I experienced deep loneliness, anxiety, emptiness, and a yearning for connection and validation that food and distractions could not satisfy.

 

I now understand that my inability to recall much of my childhood was related to dissociation, a form of self-regulation used to escape emotional pain. I still vividly recall the intense fear of thunderstorms and fire flooding my nervous system for over 18 years of my life.

I also remember compulsively cleaning, scrubbing floors in an attempt to alleviate the shame associated with poverty and create a sense of control. The pain of witnessing my father's alcoholism and my mother's self-sacrificing dedication to providing for the family, expressing love through food, left a deep imprint.

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Growing up feeling largely alone and unprotected, with my self belief that I had to rely solely on myself and avoid being a burden, had significant consequences. I don't have memories of quality family time, affection, or verbal expressions of love. I learned to suppress my emotions, becoming numb and disconnected from my body.

This pattern led me to become a quiet, compliant, and fiercely independent child, and later, an achievement-driven perfectionist who struggled with bulimia in my twenties, low mood, anxiety, and fatigue in my thirties, culminating in a nervous breakdown in my forties.

 

I was largely unaware of my own needs, lacked healthy boundaries, and felt disconnected from my passions and authentic self.

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However, alongside these challenges, I also discovered inner resources of courage, strength, and determination. Even amidst the symptoms of CPTSD, a part of me yearned to challenge injustice and contribute to positive change in the world.

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At 22, I left my village in Poland to begin a new life in London, working as an au pair and a nursing home assistant. I overcame bulimia on my own.

 

I earned a first-class honors degree from Caledonian University and built a fulfilling 14-year career as an Occupational Therapist in the NHS.

 

I also pursued personal adventures, such as helping to build a house in Delhi's slums, visiting the Taj Mahal, embracing cold water therapy, and hiking the West Highland Way.

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Becoming a mother has also been a powerful catalyst for healing and breaking intergenerational trauma patterns.

 

I have sought knowledge and growth through extensive reading, courses, and training, culminating in my certification as a Body Oriented Coach.

 

This journey has given me the courage to leave the city and a secure job to create a new life in the beautiful Scottish Highlands, in Carrick Castle.

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Now, I am passionate about sharing my healing journey and the tools that have empowered me to reconnect with my authentic self, cultivate resilience, and find the strength, peace, and belonging I had always sought.

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I believe that healing is a lifelong process, and I am now equipped to care for myself and navigate life's challenges with greater resilience.

Above all, I have cultivated the self-love and compassion that were once so elusive.

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This, I consider, my greatest strength.